think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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