she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
