Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
