If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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