"it" just moved
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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