do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
