i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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