At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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