If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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