The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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