Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize