When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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