I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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