Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
