why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Floor bacon is actually really good
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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