I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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