watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
