I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
