I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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