maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
