Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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