I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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