so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
