We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
