I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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