What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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