I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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