It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
