I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
