After last night, I could never be a politician.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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