I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
