Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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