Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
