You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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