Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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