I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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