apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
