You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
