I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
