he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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