Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
