How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can feel your judgement through the phone
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
