why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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