Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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