I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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