But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
