When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize