The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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