Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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