ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
