i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
