Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
