i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize