it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
