Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
a search helicopter?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We need to get me chipped asap
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
