I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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