the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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