dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
